What Is Cryptojournalism?
If you’re reading this for the first time, thank you and welcome. First and foremost, I should clearly state what this blog is not. It is not news. It’s barely reflection on the news. No, this is a foray into the land of semantic nonsense. Critiquing fiction with faction, and dancing with words like a drunk sailor on leave.
Cryptojournalism is likely something you have not heard of. I did not invent the word, a few wise souls on the web have sprinkled comment sections with the phrase here or there. But now is the time to delve into a new science, the craft of cryptojournalism.
What is cryptojournalism? Like most new fangled ideas in the 21st century, it’s a mish-mosh of words. Like chillax, or fabulicious. According to Dictionary.com, crypto (as an adjective) means, “secret or hidden.” That only begins to scratch the surface, thanks to one of America’s oldest and proudest sciences, cryptozoology.
Yup, cryptozoology. From the farr of days hunting the jackalope, all the way to today with the search for La Chupacabra, folks have been fooling themselves for decades, running in circles searching for lost creatures. One would infer that cryptozoology is the study of secret or hidden animals. But have you ever SEEN a cryptozoologist at work? Ever taken the time to read up the cryptozoologist handbook?
Of course you haven’t. Because cryptozoology is a farce. At least, that’s how I would define it; a farce of zoology. So I guess that’s what I’ll attempt to achieve with this slice of the internet.
As a cryptojournalist, there are a few things I believe pertinent to mention. Objectivity, in the classical sense, is really the farce amongst the dialogue concerning sound journalism. Pardon my french, but sound journalism has been hijacked by vanity and outright dick sucking. I should know. A masters degree in journalism from Hofstra University, right in the middle of the armpit that is Long Island, can attest to that. As can my personal history with the university (more on that later).
You want objectivity? Look at a mirror in the bar next time you’re drinking.
The worst lies are not the ones you’re told. No, lying by omission is really the culprit for the undermining of information. Anytime you hear a cable news pundit say anything along the lines of, “the Federal Government is responsible for printing our money,” you’re being gamed. What this imaginary fellow is really saying is, “Bend over, Sadie.” Because the Federal Reserve is private, not controlled by any government body, and has a monopoly on Federal Reserve Notes. And probably also has the market on gold plated tungsten cornered. There I go again, speculating.
To put a satiny red bow on this minor rant, keep this question in mind. If we’re inexorably marching towards a cashless society, controlled by gray aliens, lizard people, Abe Simpson and the cabal of Luciferian zionists, how will people snort their cocaine?
Sometimes you need to take a step back from sanity to see the madness.
Without questions, what sort of answers do you expect? Just make sure you’re not asking dumb questions. That just wastes everyone’s time.
It’s a farce. It’s a lie. It’s sarcasm. It’s satire. It’s jumping through semantic hoops. It’s staring a lie in the face and telling it the truth. It’s a joke that’s already stale. It’s cryptojournalism!