Two Birds In The Hand Are Worth One In The Trees

Recently in the news, we’ve had two pseudo-stories find their way into the general news pipeline.  Ines Sainz and Christine O’Donnell do not share any common traits, aside being attractive women…..which is how they found their way into the news in the first place.  Both stories are ploys, but to different ends.

Let me begin with the muy caliente Ms. Sainz.  When I first heard about this tidbit of ‘news,’ I was hanging out with my buddy Felix.  Curious, Googling the phrase Ines Sainz revealed many pictures of a gorgeous woman.  It immediately dawned on me this story was fabricated by Las Vegas, and had absolutely nothing to do with sexual harassment or proper decorum for female sports journalists.

First, a cryptojournalist’s explanation of this tale. This Daily News article will fill you in on the basics.  There is one passage that needs further clarification.  Everything really revolves around the secondary.  Namely, the most recent addition to the New York Jets defensive backfield.  Back to the article.

Jason Taylor reportedly volunteered for the passing drill in hopes of getting near Sainz. Defensive backs coach Dennis Thurman fueled the antics, tossing pigskins in Sainz’s direction.
If there’s truly a story here (and there is not), this is it.  Dumb antics from a group of men fawning for the attention of a hot piece of trim is page two of the Caveman Courtship Guide.  Page one reads, “Club over head, drag home to cave.”  OF COURSE one of Thurman’s players asked him, “Hey, coach, loft one by that foxy reporter.  Cro’s got game on me.”

Don't worry kid, we'll find you a date

Thus far, it sounds like sophomoric game, which sounds about right for the New York Jets (ZING!).  It actually runs very deep.  So deep, so deep, so deep put her ass to sleep.  The real culprits for Ines-gate are the duplicitous Antonio Cromartie and his Vegas backers.  For those unfamiliar with Mr. Cromartie, he’s quite a speciman.  Most potent NFL player this side of Travis Henry.  The bastion of truth, errr, Wikipedia can enlighten us here.

Cromartie has fathered eight children with six women living in five states, and has been named in at least five paternity suits in the past two years

As any sports fans know, athletes are extremely competitive, LeBron James notwithstanding.  Adding such a libidinous player as Cromartie will naturally compel his teammates to one-up the man.  With a litany of 3-year-old children, tis a tough task.  First day he showed up to voluntary workouts, he laid down the Cromartie Challenge: impregnate more than two women in season.  Poor Jason Taylor was just trying to show up Cromartie.  Bad move.

The Cromartie Challenge mentally straining the Jets locker room is only half the equation.  Vegas, they’re some gamers.  Living in New York, coming into the NFL season, if you were naive enough to listen to a Jets fan, you would have believed the Jets were a bigger story than J.Lo joining American Idol.  Nothing is a bigger story than J.Lo.  Ever.

Unregardless of this fact, the New York Jets were an extremely hyped team.  Superior D, crass loudmouth as a coach (God Bless Rex) and the higher expectations of the Tri-State region (which translates to about a third of America’s media attention).  More than a couple of fans of Gang Green thought the Jets were the biggest story in the NFL.  Vegas took notice.

With New York hosting the Baltimore Ravens as three-point favorites on Monday Night Football, the bookmakers had to think fast.  A lot of sheqels were being put on the Jets, and the books were worried.  First they contact Ms. Sainz, request she wears her really tight, super hot butt enhancing jeans to practice.  Cause they’re “in no way inappropriate.” (her quote).  Go check out the Daily News, with the photo she twitted.  Cause you don’t tweet, you twit.

Cromartie just had to grin and wink at his teammates, it was already game over.  They HAD to act the fools.  The Cromartie Challenge is a great burden.

Now you’re probably wondering how tight jeans and a sex hound can impact the Vegas books?  It’s all in the reaction.  The odor of sexual misconduct immediately prompts a swift reaction from the league, with questions and investigations.  But, and this is the most sinister and underhanded, it brings chatter of sensitivity training and prattle about emotions and other topics professional football players do not need to ponder.

Especially versus the Ravens.  Ray Lewis is still the scariest man in sports.  Love him to death, but I would not cross the man. Check out the video. It’s the video for Benzino’s Boottee, an all-time BET Uncut classic.  And yes, that’s Ray-Ray with Benzino riding shotgun.  It’s common Boston knowledge Benzino was the guy behind Paul Pierce being stabbed at Buzz Club back in 2000.  Hell, this CBC article from 2000 about an arrest of one of the suspects even mentions Made Men, Benzino’s stable of donkeys.  Stabbing Paul Pierce in Boston, it reminds me of Terry Hoitz.  You just don’t do that to your city’s sports stars.  Strictly verboten.

Wish I nevah shot Jeter

So what am I getting at?  Sure seems to be some insane rambling, but here’s the point.  The Jets were patsies.  Ines Sainz was the Trojan Horse, sent in from the Kingdom of Vegas to bring the most insidious of poisons into the locker room: drama.  The whole story was a ploy, to soften up the Jets versus a hard opponent.  No homo.  Planting the seeds of sensitivity training right before you’re facing off against Bloodthirsty Ray and his gang of birds is really twisted psychological torture.  Kudos to whoever orchestrated that mindfuck.

Read between the lines.  This artificial, manufactured news was presented to the public for two reasons.  Guys love pin-up material.  And Vegas loves to toy with overhyped teams.

Gimme a minute, and I’ll get back at you with the breakdown of how Naughty Witch Christine is another ploy to keep your eye off the ball.  The proverbial ball, since we’re done with the pigskin.

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3 Responses to “Two Birds In The Hand Are Worth One In The Trees”

  1. dude, cromartie has 8 kids? Hes getting to travis henry dirt mcgirt territory!

  2. also, the reporter is a straight ho, definitely a set up!

  3. Wow! This can be 1 of the top blogs I’ve actually arrive throughout on this subject. Merely Magnificent

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