We all know them.  We’ve all heard them.  There has never been a name for them, until now.  Let me show, rather than tell.

“Man I’m thirsty.  I could go for a glass of H21.”

I prefer H2O, but to each its own.

“The Packers could have played better, but the refs were tic-tackying everything they did.”

Fresh breath is vital.

“There’s been a real upcrease in share prices for financial stocks.  Think it might be time to sell.”

Better an upcrease than a downcrease.

“I hate that bitch.  She’s not even worth the CO2.”

People seem to really have problems reciting basic chemical formulas.  Water?  Air?  I think you see the point.

They’re called nearlyisms.  The word is even defined on Urban Dictionary.  Ok, so I put it up.  Sue me.  It’s really a good word, especially in the era when words are mashed together into incomprehensible slop.  Case in point: fabulicious.

Because this is any typical blog, and cryptojournalism does not pay the bills, it’s time once again to climb onto the roof.  We’re going fishing for the elusive Tri-State gutter fish, brethren of the Atlantic gutter fish.  Which brings us to Teresa Giudice.  We’re not here to sift through her fights or discuss her foreclosure.  Nope, I’m just going to give her website, Fabulicious, some pub.

Being a cryptojournalist, one of my responsibilities is to see things that aren’t there.  And to add color and accent.  First, the accent.

It seems the young YouTube hostess has dubbed our guidette a hot mess, which must have something to do with New Jersey being a figurative and literal dump.

Popular culture and stereotypes once again win a round against reason and sensibility.  Remember, there’s always a reason a stereotype hits the airwaves.  Usually because it’s in tune.

After Reggie Noble, Jersey's Finest

We see this raven-haired housewife, tweaking over all kinds of drama.  She is indeed fabulicious.  This might not make sense, but that’s because you do not know the derivation of the word. New American hybrid, fabulicious is in fact a cross between the words fabulous and malicious.  Making Teresa fabulously malicious.  Seems reasonable.  At least, so says her website.

While not a nearlyism, if you invent a word that can be mistaken to mean something else (say, for those people who might believe fabulicious means fabulously delicious, or some other make believe), might as well call it a nearlyism.  Like shooting fish in a bottle.


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