Trend Analysis of the MILF Craze

Young guys turning into crazed sex hounds around older women is nothing new.  Someone can likely point to a moment before The Graduate where the MILF die was originally cast, but in this instance 1967 is our year.  Cast into the imagination of young American men everywhere was the game of seduction, played with a hot older woman.  It did not usher MILF (short for Mother I’d Like to Fuck) into the lexicon.  Attempting to undermine its own credibility, Wikipedia has a page for the term.

For the life of me, I’ll never get why English speakers in general are infatuated with acronyms.  Cultural laziness?  Ease of saying?  Either way, God bless the person who decided it was a good idea, shortening phrases into their first letters to form a word.  It is.  But we’re not here to gloss over movies from a prior era of Hollywood.  Cryptojournalism is never that obvious.

Like everything in the world, there are always sinister and ulterior motives at work behind the scenes.  Didn’t you read the last issue of Scientific Dictators Worldwide?  It’s the most authoritative publication concerning the worldwide scientific dictatorship.  Required reading for any insane person, conspiracy theorist, journalist or cryptojournalist.  Well, at least they proclaim sinister and ulterior motives behind everything.  So what’s the hook on the MILF trend?  It’s all part of the population reduction scheme.

The WORLD ELITE want you dead!  I use caps on world elite to elicit some sense of fear…..because you should be afraid!  Before I veer wholly into Stephen Colbert’s shtick, let me explain my wild claim.  First things first, some color and accent.  Ted Turner has the most obvious and famous clip of someone discussing the idyllic Planet Earth.

“Not doing it is suicide.”  Referring to THE OVERPOPULATION OF MOTHER GAIA!  Ooh, scary stuff.  We’re too many people on an enormous, amazing, constantly rejuvenating planet?  Ok, I’ll run with it.  Too many people for too few resources, we need to be thoughtful and considerate of Mother Nature before we destroy the planet.  Sound about right?  If I had to write a prescription for America, a good way to start is conversion.

This is actually worth getting off topic to explain.  Growing up on Long Island, I’ve acquired a reasonable knowledge regarding suburbanization.  Shit’s weak.  The thing that makes cities great, people living in the midst of businesses, eateries, bars and entertainment is scrubbed out of the suburban world.  It’s zoning.  Can’t mix residential, commercial and industrial areas.  Long Island in particular has perfected the strip mall.  With how the economy is working today, you see a fair number of empty store fronts.  Re-jigger rentals if necessary, but you turn a dead strip mall into dormitory-style suites and it’s a start.

It would diversify housing stock, and allow young college graduates to afford somewhere besides their parent’s basement.  Converting strip malls into essentially permanent medium-to-long term hostels.  It would be a start.  Never in America.

That’s not very milfy, though.  Just a hair brained idea to alleviate some of the housing problems people face.  Because there are too many dirty humans aboard the mother ship.  Which brings us back to the topic of MILFS.  Why are they such a cultural infatuation?  Well if The Graduate was the first salvo in the fight towards milfdom, Van Halen’s Hot For Teacher was the second onslaught.  Even today, the video is still great.

Teachers are not MILFs.  Although, a video made in  1984 featuring a sexy teacher prancing around for her students does foreshadow the future.  I won’t even elaborate, just browse around Bad Bad Teacher.  It’s a veritable who’s who of scallywag teachers doing the naughty.  But we begin to see a trend forming.  From Mrs. Robinson to Van Halen, there is a subtle shift.  So subtle, only a cryptojournalist would even care to notice.  Mrs. Robinson shows all of the traits and qualities of a MILF.  “Hot For Teacher” sets the scene for women in positions of authority over young men (in the video’s case, real young).  Does that describe mothers?  Women in positions of authority over the young?  I believe it does!

While Mrs. Robinson is an alluring seductress, Van Halen sets the scene for women in authority over children to be sex symbols.  Gestation would take a minute, but it comes to fruition with 1999’s American Pie.  Before we zoom ahead to ’99, let me take you back to 1997.  In a nut shell, I was pointing out a MILF in a minivan (hold the derisive sneers, that was her vehicle) to some friends after football practice.  Apparently, I was also pointing her out to two teachers, cause both these pussy hounds started surveying the scene for the sexy momma.  To my surprise, there is actually a thread dedicated to the question of the word’s origin.  Weird.

So the phrase had been floating around for a while.  Its use in American Pie simply marks its first appearance in pop culture.

We’ve arrived at the phrase that seems to have grown in popularity over the years.  Unfortunately for me, I found myself curious if anyone had written on the, let’s call it social impact of the MILF craze.  There are countless websites dedicated to MILFS.  Yes, they’re just what you expect…..filthy porn.  Doing a little digging, I did find one interesting article.  It was published by Kathleen Furin on The Mothers Movement Online.  An example of one of the rhetorical questions asked by Furin: “Is it possible that the hot mom craze is just another way to put women into boxes, and to make women who are not “hot,” or don’t feel “hot,” feel lousy about it?”  A question with merit.  Sticking to this sort of viewpoint leaves a giant blind spot, which is just what a good cryptojournalist likes to exploit.  Questioning some of the psychological and social effects of the hot mom movement, wondering aloud if it represents progress or not only tackles superficial questions.

I would not expect a website for mothers to consider the other side of the coin on this topic.  As the stereotype goes, MILFS and their Canadian siblings cougars stalk young men.  Besides the Canadian angle, the real difference between MILFS and cougars is, cougars wear animal prints.  MILFS do not.  Now is there some unforeseen consequence to this trend?  Of course there is, or I wouldn’t be writing.

On a purely physical level, what does the MILF phenomenon accomplish?  It empowers older women to take back their looks, and be sexy regardless of age.  True.  How about the flip side?  Young men exit their dating pool to have sexual escapades with less fertile or infertile women.  *Cough* Did someone say population reduction?  What better way to make someone do something you want then by making them want to do it?  Case in point: turbo MILF Demi Moore and village idiot Ashton Kutcher.  (Thankfully) We have not yet seen the happy couple makin’ babies.  The only worthwhile thing Ashton Kutcher has ever done is prompt an Iraqi version of Punk’d, Put Him In [Camp] Bucca.  And he didn’t actually do that!

Feelings on Ashton Kutcher aside, there is a disregarded but legitimate so-called aspect of the MILF craze: young fertile guys sexing up women approaching menopause is no more than sterile sex.  Not in the sense of the word where it is immaculately clean and orderly, but in the respect it is sex devoid of biological progress.  Yeah I said biological progress.  What do you think kids are?  None of this means anything as long as we maintain the re-population rate.  What?  We’ve hit the lowest birth rate of the last century?  Oooh, that’s not great.

Like I try to say with every vague point on this website, I’m saying again: be aware of oblique angles.  There are usually unintended consequences.  Much as I love my cougars, there’s no future in it.  That’s what Uncle Ted wants, right?  Winking emoticon.

 

 

Try 'n not have any kids, ok sport?

 

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